Today, I took the time to do something that I haven’t done in Lord knows how long. I looked at me. Top to bottom. In the mirror. Naked. Whew! It was overwhelming and empowering all at the same time. I smiled, I frowned, and I was close to tears. I saw me. All of me. Every freckle, roll of fat, stretch mark, mole, discoloration, and lump. I saw the body I now have after becoming a mom.
I remember the girl I was before I bore my son who wore tight dresses and very high heels. Not just because I was young and carefree. I did so because I loved the way I looked. I was 5’2, 115lbs. And although a lot of my friends/family cracked the “you’re so tiny” jokes I was okay with who I was. I remember the first time I saw me without clothes when my baby was born. Although the milk jugs looked amazing 😏 everything else hung low and jiggled. After nursing and working out like a damn nutcase I gained back a body I learned to love again.
Then, life started happening…again. The junk food, the mom schedule, the stress, and so much more. And here I am, nearly three years later, looking at this body of mine again. Only this time I’m not sad. I know that my blessing gave me this body. I understand that I may never have the body I had at 25,26, or 27. And I’m okay with that. Furthermore, I know what I wish to change and what I have to accept. I cannot change the stretch marks and I no longer wish I could.They are beautiful. Whether someone else believes so or not. I KNOW a couple of these lumps have to go. HAVE TO GO. So, I’m prepared to make a lifestyle change.
I’m prepared to eat healthier, exercise consistently, meditate, and pray so much more. I want a new body. A body that I can embrace everytime I look at it. That feels pretty when someone else touches it and goes along with my new positive mindset. But until I get to that point, I am loving this me. This me that carried a little boy for 9 months, rocked him to sleep, becomes his couch while he is watching television, and his bean bag while reading books. This body is a body of love. And that… I hope…will never change.
Until next time…