Today…I’m not okay.

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Today…I’m not okay. There is no explanation that will pin point the source of my sadness, anger, or frustration. The only thing that is evident is the fact that I am not okay. But how? I’m a mom. Right? Moms are supposed to be okay because everyone needs them. How can I clean, cook, organize, settle disagreements, read bedtime stories, find my spouse’s keys, go to work, be pleasant at work, take the kid to school, pick the kid up, and plant kisses on a cute little face (with a smile) if I’m not okay? And if I’m not okay then how will I make sure everyone else is okay? I HAVE TO BE OKAY! Right?!

Am I sad or De… Depr… (It’s hard to say the word you know?) Depressed? Black women, especially black moms, can’t suffer from  depression right? Wrong. The fact of the matter is I have been down this all too familiar road more than I want to admit. Fact of the matter is anytime someone is  experiencing feelings of severe despondency and dejection for 2 weeks or more (if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck) it’s probably depression in some shape or form. Fact is, it’s hard to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you don’t even have boots. Fact is, sometimes depression isn’t onset by a particular event or occurrence in one’s life. Sometimes nothing happens at all. Nothing.

Depression can affect ANYONE. EVERYONE. Today, don’t tell me it will be okay because I don’t feel that way. Don’t tell me that I will be fine tomorrow because I may not be. Instead, say nothing and sit with me. Tell me it’s okay that I’m not cooking or cleaning today. Let me wallow. Refer me to a therapist. Pray for me. Because I’m not okay and you have to let me know that it’s okay to not to be okay.

 

Until next time…

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