Heavy right? No matter the circumstance it seems as though many women find a way to make it their fault. Whatever “it” is. Whether that’s the break up, the failed marriage, the unplanned pregnancy, or the poor choice of man. She makes it about something she did wrong regardless of the surrounding details. Time and time again we look at our children who may either be fatherless or simply don’t have the father in the home and we wonder what we should have done different…what we could have done different. This puts us in a position where we forget whats most important in the space that we currently move within; Being the best mom we can be regardless of our pasts.
People are very quick to pass judgement. I have heard everything mentioned from “why didn’t she wait until marriage” (like people don’t divorce) to “she should have known he wasn’t sh*t” (like people don’t manipulate or trick you into believing they are someone else). How about the “she should have used birth control” (like he couldn’t have chosen to use a condom). It is never HIS fault right? How does the saying go? Mama’s baby daddy’s maybe?
Living in this space of self-pity, regret, or pain does not get you anywhere. It stagnates you. The creation of your child was done by way of two people…not just mom. How can you blame yourself solely for whatever went wrong when you were not the only participant?
Forgive. Forgive yourself. Love. Love yourself. Love again. Love your baby. That’s what matters. Forgiveness and reconciliation do not have to co-exist. Most times they do not. Forgive yourself for blaming “you” and carrying a load the weight of ten men. No one said that it will be easy. But Gold is not made without fire. Your single motherhood is not your fault. Look at the beautiful child/children you bore and make a conscious decision to give them the best life you can give. Being a single mother does not mean that the family dinners are less real, the love is less genuine, or the parent participation is less passionate. It means that you will be more exhausted, that you have to poop with your infant in a bouncy seat because there is no one there to watch them, it means that you will cry silently while they are sleeping because you are woke thinking about your sacrifice.
Just know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who had to learn to forgive ourselves because of the judgement inflicted on us by the rest of the world. F*** them. Half of the people judging you are living in glass houses that allow us to see their less than perfect existence. You, my dear, are a star. You are not a single mom….you are super mom. Wear your cape with pride!
Until next time…