I’m sure many of us can identify an ample amount of qualities within ourselves that deem us “wifey” material. What makes it so awesome is that many of the characteristics we possess come naturally. We are not pretending to be something or someone else when we cook nearly everyday, maintain a clean home, work diligently at our careers, and so much more. Who wouldn’t want to marry us?! Being in a relationship does not add to or take away from who we are at the core. We are genuinely GREAT women. However, being single affords you the opportunity to reflect on what you can do different the next go round. After meditation, prayer, and a few glasses of wine I’ve discovered my biggest flaw. I’ve been playing “wife” to men who have not married me.
I have been cooking for, cleaning, washing dirty drawers, buying elaborate gifts, rubbing backs, packing lunches for work, styling, compromising with, and giving some of the best sex in the world to men who have never put me on a white dress or walked my black ass down an isle. Girrrrrrrrrl was I tripping or what?! Who wants to buy the cow when they are getting the milk for FREE?!
Women are often so caught up in their relationship (one that offers no real security) that we often neglect our own needs/wants. We think about what he wants, what he may not like, or even where he wants to live. After placing all the things you desire on hold you come home one day to empty closets and an “it just didn’t work”. (Honey, I have some stories for you). Any how, this then turns into months of I wish I never did this and that for this so and so. You think about the money you spent, the plans you made, the gifts you bought, and you wonder why you went so hard for a man who wasn’t really yours. Because if you are not his wife…he is not yours baby.
Men make decisions based upon what they want to do. If they have a job opportunity in another damn country they don’t say “Awww man I can’t take it because I’m dating Tasha”. No. They go. They tell you to either get with the program or see you later. This, my dear, is what you must do as well. Make life decisions, choices, and moves based upon what works best for your life. If he wishes to still be a part he will make it happen some way…somehow.
Don’t get it twisted I’m not saying give nothing of yourself but give YOU more than you are giving away to others. If he isn’t marrying you tell buddy to stay at his house and you stay at yours. Don’t let that man get free laundry service and meals everyday. As his wife he’s privileged to all of that and then some more. Until then, you date him. Period. STOP COMPROMISING YOUR PRINCIPLES AND VALUES FOR BOYFRIENDS! STOP BEING SUBMISSIVE TO BOYFRIENDS. STOP CHANGING YOUR HAIR, CLOTHES, AND STYLE FOR A BOYFRIEND. Believe me the same man who says I don’t like when you wear weave will leave you for Rapunzel.
When you adjust your own behavior he (your future husband) will fall in line accordingly and you can spoil him like crazy. Until then, do you boo boo.
Until next time…