We’ve all heard it before and many of us have said it. “I don’t have many female friends. Women are too messy.” Most of us nod our heads in agreement. Lord knows women are MESSY! Although, we have all experienced the petty, messy, jealous female “associate” I no longer nod my head in agreement for several reasons. Reason number one; I refuse to stereotype all women based upon a few failed relationships. Reason number two; I have so many amazing relationship with women. My circle is tight, secure, and supportive. So when I hear women say that they don’t “deal with”, “mess with”, or “hang with” other women, here is what I really hear.
- Maybe you’re the messy one. Maybe people have tried to tell you that you are not a good friend. Maybe you talk to much and you perceive other women to be messy because they feel obligated to tell “something” you said to prevent more mess.
- Maybe you’re jealous. You don’t want to hang with girls that are prettier, smarter, or more interesting than you. Hanging with other women may force you to feel inadequate.
- Maybe you need constant validation. Men will offer that. Men will constantly tell you how cute, thick, slim, brilliant and everything in between that you are. Most of them are not really “bros” because given the opportunity they will sleep with you with no hesitation “sis”.
- You didn’t have positive female relationships growing up. You weren’t close to a mom, aunt, sister, cousin, or even female teacher who could have shown you the benefits of connecting with other women.
- You have poor judgement as it relates to choosing friends. The second women say things like they’ve dated married men, or they like to fight, or they steal (insert rolled eye emoji here) I smile and walk away. WE WILL NOT BE FRIENDS HOMIE.
- Maybe you were hurt really badly by a friend and you haven’t healed. Betrayal changes us. Just like with a romantic relationship someone can hurt us so bad that we are afraid of engaging in new relationships. We’ve all been there. In that place where pain resides so deep that we are unable to successfully connect with anyone new. Friendships are the same. A female friend can hurt you so bad that you push everyone else away.
Believe me, I’m not saying that you will not run into women who will betray you. I’m also not saying that you should have ten female friends or even make it a goal to gain new friends (I’m down with Drake too). All I’m saying is that if you can’t identify more than 2 female friends….Maybe its not them…it’s you : )