Dating Diabetic…

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It doesn’t seem like this is even heavy enough to be a topic of discussion but the reality is…it does. Although this subject is valid and applicable as it relates to trying to date while dealing with any illness, I’m a diabetic, so I can only truly speak to the anxiety that surrounds me being type 1.

Who knew that out of all of the things in this world that I could and would be insecure about it would be the one thing that I can not change. Acceptance right? I have to accept the fact that I am pricking my fingers all day long to make sure that I can still function. I have to accept the fact that I have to take insulin with every single meal. I have to accept the fact that I have to triple check myself after eating to ensure that I’m not going to randomly pass out. But will he?

Whoever he is. Will he look at me weird on the first date when I lift my shirt to administer insulin in a restaurant full of people? I’m never sure so I run to the bathroom to avoid the weird space. Will he get awkwardly silent because he really wants to ask me questions about my disease but he doesn’t know how to do so without making me feel uncomfortable? Will he be annoyed with the fact that I have to pee…ALOT interrupting everything and even making him pull the car over on a few occasions because I just can’t hold it even though I only realized I had to be 2 minutes ago? Will he get scared thinking that one day in the far far future he may have to take care of me (even though I am fully capable of taking care of myself)? Will he get annoyed by the random mood swings caused by a high blood sugar or the silent tears caused by a low? Will he love me without conditions?

My mind races a mile a minute and I get nauseous at the thought of “dating”. Me…The girl who will Facetime with a bonnet on my head. Me… the girl who dances unapologetically awkward to songs I really like. Me…the girl who snorts when she laughs. Me…the girl who is so unafraid of being me…is afraid of being me…in front of you. Whoever you are.

All I want is for him to love me. All I want is for him to ask me questions. Ask me if it hurts when I give shots. Ask me if he could give me a shot in the event that help is needed. Understand that I can eat. I can go to the ice-cream shop, the ribfest, and whatever else I want to go to. All I want is to date normally… while being diabetic even though I weirdly feel ashamed. Who knew how awkward this could be…

 

Until next time…

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