Dear Depression…

Dear Depression,

We have to stop this. I’m sure this dysfunctional relationship isn’t healthy for either of us. I mean, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t love you… I never did. I don’t need you and I don’t want you. You keep popping up unannounced and anyone who knows me knows I hate that shit with a passion. Don’t you understand how much I need my job? You don’t even care that I need to take care of myself and my son financially? You show up while I’m working without a care. You demand that I make time for you when I have no time at all. I could lose my job dealing with your selfishness. I told you when you showed up after the birth of my son that I had a new life that had no room for you. But you didn’t listen then either. You kept telling me that I’d fail at being a mother. You told me that you would put a wedge between me and those who love me. Why would you do that to me? Verbal abuse is still abuse and hurts as much as a black eye.

You want me in ways that I don’t want you. You want to wake up with me and go to sleep with me. I’m tired of being stalked by you. The sad thing is legally I can’t do anything about it. I can’t get you arrested. I can’t get a restraining order to keep you away. What makes it even more crazy is no one believes me. After people see my smiles and hear my laughter they don’t believe that I’m actually in an unhappy relationship. They don’t believe you exist because it seems like my life is full of joy. Behind closed doors you are abusing me, disrespecting me, calling me names.

All I’m asking for is a peaceful departure. It’s time to move on. I need my space back. I need to be able to breathe easily knowing that you will no longer be following me around. I need to be able to get rid of the anxiety related to the fact that I never know when I’m going to encounter you. I need for this to end.


One tired girl

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