It seems at though we scream the dead beat daddy song so loud that we can’t hear the great dads yelling “I’m right here what about me!” (I see you my dude) Recently, I’ve seen an abundance of women using their children as pawns to either piss off their child’s father or to get back at him for breaking their heart/moving on. STOP IT! Whatever happened between you and the man who you chose to have a child/children with should not affect the relationship that they have with their seed. I get it ladies. You’re mad. I’ve been mad too. But the best revenge for a man that has caused you heart-break is to move forward effortlessly. This doesn’t mean run out and get a new man either. It just means that you should continue with life as you should. Nothing kills a person more than knowing you longer care. Disclaimer: This post is not for the actual dead beats. You don’t count bruh. The one’s that barely see their children, don’t help pay for them, and never check to see how they are doing…. you can just scroll to the …THE END…part of this.
Anyhow, co-parenting doesn’t have to be equivalent to pulling teeth. It may never be sunshine and roses either. But there needs to be a common ground built on respect and acceptance of the fact that the situation is what it is. There is plenty uncertainty that comes along with raising a child together but in separate homes. Still, it should not be a game of “oh you have a girlfriend? you can’t see my baby”or the “Oh you’re not doing exactly as I say? You can’t see my baby”. Bitterness casts an ugly shadow over the face of those who possess it. And if you are still being super petty you are in need of closure that he can’t give you. Sadly, you have to find a way to forgive a person who may never say sorry, feel sorry, or think you’re owed anything at all.
Bitter baby mama’s (I hate the baby mama baby daddy phrase by the way but it’s appropriate at this moment I suppose)…He’s going to move on. Just like you will one day. Being a total witch with a “B” isn’t going to make him love you. It will only make him more happy that he was able to get away from you. Let it go sugar. It is possible to deal with your pain without involving the children. Let them go spend time with their father. Contrary to what you may believe fathers are needed. Stop calling at unnecessary hours. Stop texting non-sense. Stop trying to take low blows. It’s unattractive and can possibly prevent you from one day being with the person you feel as though you deserve. No man wants a woman who seems like she is still focused on or loves her ex.
Men of bitter baby mama’s…Stop participating in the stupidity. If she is screaming and hollering on the phone politely say “I’m going to hang up now, call me back when you’ve calmed down.” Let her talk to Tone… (y’all remember that? lol) Be clear. Many problems arise because many of you think it’s best not to say anything. THAT DOESN’T WORK FOOLS! You say nothing and she still goes all the way in right? Say what you will and won’t tolerate because you better believe she will tell you. Stop arguing about NOTHING at inappropriate hours. Be clear, “Can you respect me like I do you and not call at this hour unless it is an emergency?” If it happens again don’t answer. Sometimes a “I no longer want, love, need you” may help snap her back to reality. My mother has always told me that if you lay down like a door mat you get walked on. Most people only do to you that which is allowed.
In the midst of dealing with petty adult issues the bigger picture is always distorted. The little ones that didn’t ask to be here are caught in the cross fire. They are kids who need to have freedom to love both parents regardless of whose home they are being raised in without someone expelling a spirit of hate. I never mention a foul word about my son’s father in his presence. Now, when he’s sleep I cuss daddy out in my head but his opinion about him will be formed solely on their interaction. My opinion doesn’t need to be expressed to my little one.
At the end of the day men have left women they’ve had children with before electricity was invented (I’m definitely not saying it’s okay in every situation, just stating facts). And although the statistics aren’t known I’m sure very few (or none) came back because of the pawn game. Even if they did is that what you want? A hostage? Not I. Let’s do better people.
Oh yeah… THE END